Family values

I did have the opportunity to see Nick's family while we were back East.

Nick's brother and his wife were at church, of course, and we exchanged greetings appropriate to the season. I had let them know we would be in town, but they didn't make any effort to see us until a few days before we were leaving -- when they invited me to join them for an evening at a bar (their favorite hangout) 90 minutes from where I was staying. Drive for 90 minutes... drink for 2 hours in a noisy, presumably smoky bar... drive home (under the influence) another 90 minutes... Hmmmm... I declined.

All the local cousins and aunts gathered for Easter dinner, as is the custom. It was good to see them, and I did have a friendly conversation with my BIL and his wife. Two of Nick's aunts are in their 90s now, and it was good to see them doing as well as they are. The sons of Nick's youngest cousin are about the same ages as Rock and HardPlace; the four boys wrought havoc together and had a grand time running all over the place. The daughter of one of his cousins got married last fall, and it's fun to hear the family speculate and banter about when the next generation will arrive. Easter Sunday really was a lovely family time.

Two stories about Nick's cousins ...

"Joe" is 60-something and could retire anytime he wants, but he likes the money coming in (don't we all?). He and his wife built a huge addition on their house (AFTER their kids were grown and graduated college and totally out of the house) so that she could have a larger closet. They gave their daughter a new BMW when she graduated from college (and not just a "token" BMW but one of upscale numbers).

Joe's mother is the eldest of Nick's aunts. She's 93, virtually blind, and cannot walk around unassisted in a strange setting. She doesn't realize that Joe and his wife moved her into an apartment in Virginia; she thinks she still lives in Pennsylvania. She won't answer the phone between 5:00 and 6:00 p.m., because she has to have dinner ready at exactly 5:30 or it upsets her husband -- who died 10 years ago -- and he likes to eat in peace (which I'm sure he does!). Bless this good woman for being alive.

I was shocked to learn that Aunt Mary is living alone, in an apartment 30 minutes from Joe, which (of course) makes it too difficult for anyone to visit her every day. I was appalled to learn that she is getting ONLY those services that the city/county/state provide for free. Joe is not willing to spend a single penny to ensure that his mother is safe and well cared for. She NEEDS to be in an assisted living facility. She NEEDS to have someone cook and clean for her. She NEEDS to have someone check on her well-being every single day.

But Joe won't pay for it. I can't help but wonder if his daughter, who has a beautiful new BMW, will see the value in paying for the care that Joe needs when his time comes.

I've never liked Cousin Joe -- not since he tried to grope me in the kitchen when I was still a blushing bride -- but I've ALWAYS liked Cousin Christie. She and her two sons are the only members of Nick's family who have been a consistent, loving presence in our lives since Nick died.

When Christie heard that the boys and I were coming to town, she begged us to stay with her for a few days, which I gladly did. She bought junk food for the boys and watched a silly movie with them while I went to dinner with the widows. She went with us to the museums (interacting with the boys about the exhibits on a better level than I knew how to) and took us to the zoo. She's wonderful.

Christie was laid off recently, but money isn't a crucial issue for her. She actually has the same BMW that Joe bought for his daughter -- except Christie agonized about buying it (used) and it was her way to celebrate having become a 5-year survivor of ovarian cancer (she's now at 10 years!). Her husband left her for another woman 15 years ago, and their two teenage sons were devastated when their father abandoned them to start a "new family." But Christie has raised them to be amazing, compassionate young men. How amazing?

When Christie was laid off, her 28YO told her, Mom, I have $24,000. It's yours.

I immediately appreciated the generosity, but I was really stunned when Christie pointed out what thrilled her: My TWENTY-EIGHT year-old son has SAVED $24,000! He actually LEARNED SOMETHING from me!

Wow. I think I want to be like Christie when I grow up. And my sons should emulate hers.