I was chatting with a friend Saturday night, and as so often happens in conversations between widoweds, the perennial question arose: WHY? I've said before that I've never asked that question. Oh, sure ... sometimes in the wee hours, a quiet why sobs from my throat. But I've never expended much energy on the question, because I've always known that there is no answer. I've known that if I pursued the question, I would either drive myself crazy looking for the answer or I would go through such mind-logic-faith bending calisthenics to create an answer that I would lose respect for my mind, logic, and faith.
- a resolve or determination
- a solution, accommodation, or settling of a problem
- Music. the progression of a voice part or of the harmony as a whole from a dissonance to a consonance
- reduction to a simpler form; conversion.
- Medicine/Medical. the reduction or disappearance of a swelling or inflammation without suppuration
- the degree of sharpness of a computer-generated image
No, I typed. I don't need the answer. What I want is .... long pause .... resolution. I want resolution.
I looked up from my keyboard after typing that, gasped, and laughed. You know what? I already have it. What I saw when I looked up was this painting.
When I brought it home from the gallery three years ago, my exact words were that this painting represented "resolution of the chaos."My chat on Saturday night brought an epiphany: I needed to name what it is I wanted. And in naming it, I was able to look up and SEE it, to see that I already have it, and not just in a painting over my fireplace.
Resolution: determination, solution, harmony, conversion, well-being, clarity. It's all right there, in that glowing center of the painting. It's all right here, in that glowing center of myself.
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7 comments:
I never asked "why?" either. A pointless exercise right up there with "what if (fill in the blank)".
The paintings though, not coincidence. For someone who doesn't believe in signs, you sure got yourself a whopper of one. Very cool.
Beautiful.
I asked why. That was part of my journey. What do I have now? I don't know, but it lets me sleep at night and get up in the morning. I guess I'll take it.
God bless, Alicia.
This was a beautiful post, and I freely admit that I am guilty of asking that question, even in the light of what was a very different loss.
Thanks for sharing this post, and making this part of the walk easier.
Shady
There's no shame in asking the question, and I hope I don't imply that there is. It's just a question that I never needed to ask, because I knew I'd never find an answer.
Some people HAVE to ask the question. And I know many who have found an answer that satisfies their cries in the night.
It's all part of this crazy road we walk.
Ah sweet resolution - long time coming but oh so wonderful - I asked "why" and sometimes I still do but yes I do know that feeling of resolution. Blessings to you my sister.
You rock!
I love this. The answer is within; once the question was defined, clarity prevailed, and the answer was found within. This is as it should be.
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