Thursday, March 01, 2012

Happenings

There has been so much happening, and yet so little to tell. 

The internal happenings are too fragile to describe with any coherence.  I've discovered that even though I say I'm not forever broken ... I am, indeed, still quite broken. But that's okay. Because being broken is part of what it means to be human, and I really am okay with being human.  I find that I am much more messed up than I thought I was, but I am also probably not nearly as messed up as I think I am. 

Do I overthink these things? Probably.

The external things are too new to write about, but there could be a very different direction in my future, one that I have "always" wanted -- or at least one that I've wanted for the last 32 or 33 years.  It's exciting and unnerving and unsettling and ... I need to take a deep breath and see if it's the right direction.

The real happening is that I am engaging myself again, listening again, breathing again. And this is all very good.

8 comments:

  1. Well if that isn't a suspenseful post! I'll be waiting for more!!!

    S.

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  2. Curse you (and love you), you vague woman, you! (And gah--I hate when I leave typos in blog comments. Why can't Blogger let you edit them?? Or maybe I should just learn to proofread FIRST. ;o))

    Your faithful…however many we are…want more details. Or at least **I** do! ;o)

    I liked this line: "I find that I am much more messed up than I thought I was, but I am also probably not nearly as messed up as I think I am. " =) I am way more messed up, still, than I ever thought I might be several years ago--and certainly 6.5+ years ago--but am I less messed up than I think? Time will only tell.

    I like the hint of welcome, wonderful new changes in your life…and will happily be here to read about them when you can reveal them. Or you can always email privately and let some of us in on the secret…. ;o)

    (I really need to get out of my house more and get a life. ;o))

    Love you!
    Candice

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  3. Oh, it's not that big a deal. Well, yeah, it is. But it's a little thing. Not a big thing. But it's a little thing that could put me on the road to similar things, which would be ... very cool.

    And I'm going to take my time deciding, so please don't hold your breaths or you'll turn blue and pass out and that would make me laugh.

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    Replies
    1. People who are really messed up and broken - never think they are - perhaps you are just a rusty bicycle?

      First steps lead to longer walks and then running. It's all a progression.

      I am sure you will figure it all out.

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    2. When I started dedicating more time to my spiritual side, I did so thinking I was fine. It didn't take long to realize that I wasn't "fine," and I got a little distraught. But after I spent a little more time listening to my inner workings, I realized I wasn't as messed up as I'd first thought ... it's just that I had been ignoring myself for a very long time and there was a lot to be attended to.

      All is well. All shall be well.

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    3. And all matters of things shall be well.

      My love and prayers, always.

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  4. Hi Alicia,

    Love that first line.

    I suspect that your perception of brokenness is bound to shift in each direction more times than you can remember. To read that you are all tingly about a new and exciting direction for your future leaves me feeling excited for you... if only I knew what I was getting excited about. Patience, I know.

    Can't wait for the followup post that contains more juicy details, whenever you feel comfortable enough about it to take us there.

    Ray

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    Replies
    1. It's not so much a matter of being broken as it is a matter of ... not being whole. And I think that is the essence of the human condition: As long as we are walking this earth we are looking for something more, something to complete us.

      It's all good though, that much I can say without reservation or hesitation. It's all good.

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