Monday, April 02, 2012

The big reveal

A few weeks ago, I wrote that I feel like I have a big secret, but I didn't know what it was. Well, I've finally figured out what the secret it is. I hesitate to write it here, because I can scarcely believe it's true. I almost don't want to Name it, for fear that I might Jinx it, but ...

I have apparently found my way to Joy.  Even just typing that sentence brings tears to my eyes, because for the longest, darkest time, I honestly did not believe that I would ever be capable of experiencing it again.  I knew that I could be "happy" again, but I didn't think I would ever again know joy. But here I am.

And it takes my breath away.

16 comments:

  1. This post is like a beacon in my own darkness. Thank you. And so, so happy for you, Alicia.

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  2. Ooh, fabulous, according to the time stamps, I posted my comment before you put up your actual post! (Have no idea what time zone Blogspot thinks I'm in.)

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    1. Well aren't you the clever one! You'll have to share your secrets for bending the time-space continuum!

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  3. Oh! So excited and happy to hear that. I found that I continually had to fight for my joy back. I have a feeling big things are coming your way!

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    1. Thanks for the enthusiasm, but I don't know, Chillin': If I had to fight for it, I'm not sure it would feel like joy.

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  4. Awwwwwww! I am so, so, so, so very happy, and a bit teary! Yay!

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  5. Your reveals are just as cryptic as your secrets.

    I am happy for your joy.

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    1. Cryptic? Really? And here I thought I was being so straightforward!

      It's just joy ... not associated with any particular occasion or dependent on any external factor. Joy, pure and simple. And I had truly begun to believe I was no longer capable of it.

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    2. Best kind of joy there is.

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  6. Wow! That's a Testament to the power of human nature. Self-generated Joy from within. You should congratulate yourself. I think I said in an earlier comment here that positivity seems to be creeping back into your life. Lovely!
    Click here for Bazza’s Blog ‘To Discover Ice’

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    1. Well, "self-generated" isn't really accurate, and I'm not sure congratulations are in order.

      It's been a time of introspection -- of looking within and seeing the loss and saying, "But I am not the Loss." Seeing the pain and saying, "But I am not the Pain." Seeing the struggle and saying, "But I am not the Struggle." And even seeing the hope and happiness and joy and saying that I am none of those things either.

      It's been a time of looking beyond all those things churning around inside me to see the larger picture, which is a vast stillness, of turning down the volume of all their voices, and listening to the deep silence.

      And all I can do is rest in the Stillness and celebrate the Silence.

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  7. That's wonderful, Alicia. I'm so glad for you.

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    1. Exactly. I look forward to seeing you on Saturday!

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  9. :)

    I am exactly where you are.

    Hugs and hope to see you this summer.

    Anja

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  10. Your blog reminded me of one I had written a while ago. It is possible to find joy again...it's even ok to find it...
    http://www.breathingsoftheheart.com/?p=35

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